Wrote a new post but it’s password protected and I’m going to keep it that way. If you want to read it, mail me at: Spicegirls53842 at  aol dot com.

Make sure to put in the subject who you are and you would like the password.

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Changes

Edit: Made this public for now so everyone can see it and then eventually I’ll password protect it again.

 

I decided not to make this post public, but instead, password protect it so only my friends on here could view it.

I’ve already told a few people, one of them being Carolyn, but I wanted to share with the rest of you.

I’ve been with Marc for 10 years now and I can’t say we’ve had a bad relationship. I just haven’t been happy for a long time. Most nights we go without talking. He’s playing video games and I’m doing my own thing. I didn’t want this way and I’ve tried to talk to him about it, but he doesn’t think there is anything wrong. He doesn’t give me much attention and he pushes me away a lot. And there’s been some other stuff, but I’m not going to go into details about that.I haven’t been happy.

I haven’t been happy. Honestly, I’ve been very lonely. I’ve been depressed. And I know I mentioned a while back that I have panic attacks and anxiety, which I don’t like talking about. And also, in my post from more than a week ago, I mentioned I got back in contact with an old friend. I’ll start there.

My brother and his girlfriend took my mom and me out to dinner the one night. I didn’t have a problem going out and I was fine when we left. When we got to the restaurant and got seated, I started having panic. I don’t know why. I don’t know what caused, but it just continued to get worse. And I had my cell phone with me and I thought if I started texting someone, maybe that would help me get through it.

The person that pop into my head to text was Victor because I knew he’d text me back immediately and he did. I told him what was going on and he kept texting me, trying to help me get through the panic. And he ended up calling me when I came home later.

I’ve known Victor since I was 14 years old. We talked every day. We were close. He was my best friend. I told him everything and he was always there for me. He always listened and never judged. At some point we lost contact I guess because life got in the way.

I never forgot about him and always wondered how he was doing. I missed him. He was the one person I could tell anything and everything to.

And I wanted to get back in contact with him before, but with all the stuff that’s been going on with my family and the fact I’m stuck at home has prevented me from doing so. I had his cell phone number, but the cell phone signal is so bad at my house that it’s hard to even send out texts. And at home is usually where I’m stuck because we don’t go out much.

So, that night Victor and I got back in contact. He added me on Facebook and we started talking to each other as much as we could. We both really missed each other. Like I said, we were really close. He knows stuff about me that no one else does. It was really nice to have him back in my life and it was almost like we never stopped talking.

We told each other about what has been going on in our lives and eventually I told him what has been going on in my relationship, which I’ve just kept to myself all this time.

And ever since we started talking again that night, Victor has made time for me. Every single day. He has been there for me. He talks me through panic attacks.

My feelings for him started to change. I have always loved Victor but as a friend. And that love I have for him as a friend started to become something more. And even though we’ve always had a connection, I never expected. It’s just ever since we began talking again, something really clicked between us.

I’m deeply in love with Victor and I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy before.

And of course, my being with him is a big decision. There will be changes in my life. He lives in Texas and I do eventually plan on moving there to be with him. For now, I’m just saving money so I can take the train to see him. It’s not going to happen right away, but I am saving money. He’s patient and so am I. And I know in my heart this is what I truly want. I want to be with him. I want to have a life with him.

And he is an amazing guy. He’s one of a kind.

He cares about me. He loves me. He makes time for me. And he messages me whenever he can. As I am typing this, he’s messaging me on Facebook. He’s in a band and doing a show today. He sent me a message to say he misses me.

We have a strong connection. He gets me. He understands me like no one else does. He never judges me.

He tells me every single day that I am beautiful.

And hearing him tell me that he loves me is beyond amazing because it’s not only words, but I can feel it.

I love Victor and I wanted to share that with all of you.

I haven’t told my mom yet and I’m not sure how she’ll react. I don’t think she’ll be happy with how far away he is, but I think the bigger issue will be that he’s older than me. And that’s because of her own experiences. My dad is quite a bit older than her and their relationship has not been a good one.

But I wanted to share with all of you. I know eventually there will be some big changes in my life, but I am very happy. And I am very sure of what I want. I really love Victor and he loves me. And I just wanted you all to know about this amazing man.

I never expected to fall in love with, but I did. And I am so much happier than I have. I’ve even been listening to music again, which I had stopped doing for a long time. It’s kind of like pieces of me that I’ve lost are starting to return.

Victor is part of my life now and eventually I’ll be going to see him. And I have to say I’m excited. I’m excited about the changes and I’ll share everything with all of you as it happens.

Tell Your Truth

“Tell your truth” means to write only as you can, for no one can write exactly as you do. – Dan Millman, Chicken Soup for the Writer’s Soul

I once read that when you first start out writing you begin by copying the style of your favorite author. And that’s true. Well, at least for me. My first stories and books were more in the style of S.E. Hinton. She was one of my first influences as far as writing goes and I wanted to write like her because I thought her writing was just wonderful. It was honest. It was relatable and filled with emotion.

But, as I have continued to write, I developed my own style and my voice. I tell my truth writing as only I can do. Sure, there are definitely some influences in there from my favorite authors. But it’s me. I’m happy to tell my truth and I encourage other writers to tell their truth as well.

You don’t need to write like your favorite authors. Just write as you do because you’re unique and no one will be able to tell a story exactly as you do.

Still Here

I didn’t get any time for blogging or replying to comment over the weekend. I did get some writing done, though.

We got about three feet of snow here. After it stopped snowing on Saturday, me, Marc and my mom spent the rest of the weekend shoveling. It was a lot of work. And I was in pain way before the shoveling was even finished.

I’m glad everything is shoveled now. I just hope this is the only snow we get this winter.

And since I had time today, I was able to visit some blogs and reply to comments. Sorry I couldn’t sooner. Besides being in pain, I was very tired over the weekend. Shoveling really kicked my butt and there were a few times I fell asleep while on my laptop.

I just wanted to update you all, let you know I’m still here and I’m okay. I just haven’t had time to get on here. Hope you all had a nice weekend and didn’t get as much snow as we did here.

Lots Of Snow

It started snowing here after 3:30pm yesterday. It’s 8:00am and still snowing.

I am not happy about the snow. I don’t like shoveling it and it means we’re stuck at home – our only working vehicle doesn’t have 4-wheel drive.

Marc had to call off work yesterday and he’ll have to call off again today because of the snow.

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The snow in our driveway.

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This the porch and sidewalk. And yes, I’ve still got Halloween window clings up 😀

Today I’ll do some reading and writing. I’ve got five books I borrowed from the library on Thursday. And I hope to have time to visit blogs today and reply to comments.

Is it snowing where you are?