Changes

Edit: Made this public for now so everyone can see it and then eventually I’ll password protect it again.

 

I decided not to make this post public, but instead, password protect it so only my friends on here could view it.

I’ve already told a few people, one of them being Carolyn, but I wanted to share with the rest of you.

I’ve been with Marc for 10 years now and I can’t say we’ve had a bad relationship. I just haven’t been happy for a long time. Most nights we go without talking. He’s playing video games and I’m doing my own thing. I didn’t want this way and I’ve tried to talk to him about it, but he doesn’t think there is anything wrong. He doesn’t give me much attention and he pushes me away a lot. And there’s been some other stuff, but I’m not going to go into details about that.I haven’t been happy.

I haven’t been happy. Honestly, I’ve been very lonely. I’ve been depressed. And I know I mentioned a while back that I have panic attacks and anxiety, which I don’t like talking about. And also, in my post from more than a week ago, I mentioned I got back in contact with an old friend. I’ll start there.

My brother and his girlfriend took my mom and me out to dinner the one night. I didn’t have a problem going out and I was fine when we left. When we got to the restaurant and got seated, I started having panic. I don’t know why. I don’t know what caused, but it just continued to get worse. And I had my cell phone with me and I thought if I started texting someone, maybe that would help me get through it.

The person that pop into my head to text was Victor because I knew he’d text me back immediately and he did. I told him what was going on and he kept texting me, trying to help me get through the panic. And he ended up calling me when I came home later.

I’ve known Victor since I was 14 years old. We talked every day. We were close. He was my best friend. I told him everything and he was always there for me. He always listened and never judged. At some point we lost contact I guess because life got in the way.

I never forgot about him and always wondered how he was doing. I missed him. He was the one person I could tell anything and everything to.

And I wanted to get back in contact with him before, but with all the stuff that’s been going on with my family and the fact I’m stuck at home has prevented me from doing so. I had his cell phone number, but the cell phone signal is so bad at my house that it’s hard to even send out texts. And at home is usually where I’m stuck because we don’t go out much.

So, that night Victor and I got back in contact. He added me on Facebook and we started talking to each other as much as we could. We both really missed each other. Like I said, we were really close. He knows stuff about me that no one else does. It was really nice to have him back in my life and it was almost like we never stopped talking.

We told each other about what has been going on in our lives and eventually I told him what has been going on in my relationship, which I’ve just kept to myself all this time.

And ever since we started talking again that night, Victor has made time for me. Every single day. He has been there for me. He talks me through panic attacks.

My feelings for him started to change. I have always loved Victor but as a friend. And that love I have for him as a friend started to become something more. And even though we’ve always had a connection, I never expected. It’s just ever since we began talking again, something really clicked between us.

I’m deeply in love with Victor and I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy before.

And of course, my being with him is a big decision. There will be changes in my life. He lives in Texas and I do eventually plan on moving there to be with him. For now, I’m just saving money so I can take the train to see him. It’s not going to happen right away, but I am saving money. He’s patient and so am I. And I know in my heart this is what I truly want. I want to be with him. I want to have a life with him.

And he is an amazing guy. He’s one of a kind.

He cares about me. He loves me. He makes time for me. And he messages me whenever he can. As I am typing this, he’s messaging me on Facebook. He’s in a band and doing a show today. He sent me a message to say he misses me.

We have a strong connection. He gets me. He understands me like no one else does. He never judges me.

He tells me every single day that I am beautiful.

And hearing him tell me that he loves me is beyond amazing because it’s not only words, but I can feel it.

I love Victor and I wanted to share that with all of you.

I haven’t told my mom yet and I’m not sure how she’ll react. I don’t think she’ll be happy with how far away he is, but I think the bigger issue will be that he’s older than me. And that’s because of her own experiences. My dad is quite a bit older than her and their relationship has not been a good one.

But I wanted to share with all of you. I know eventually there will be some big changes in my life, but I am very happy. And I am very sure of what I want. I really love Victor and he loves me. And I just wanted you all to know about this amazing man.

I never expected to fall in love with, but I did. And I am so much happier than I have. I’ve even been listening to music again, which I had stopped doing for a long time. It’s kind of like pieces of me that I’ve lost are starting to return.

Victor is part of my life now and eventually I’ll be going to see him. And I have to say I’m excited. I’m excited about the changes and I’ll share everything with all of you as it happens.

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3 responses to “Changes

  1. I am happy of you and want what is best of you and am happy you are following your heart. Sound slick you and Marc have just grown apart and are going in different directions.
    Hugs
    ~Ruth~

    Like

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