As Anne Shirley Would Say: I’m In The Depths Of Despair

It’s 2016. A new year. And I hoped this year would be different from 2015, that things would finally begin to improve for my family and myself. So far, it hasn’t been so.

Although I don’t blog about it much, we are still very much struggling financially. And once again, we’re without water. It has been four days. If you all remember, this happened during last summer and my brother Ricky got someone he knows to fix it for us. Ricky can’t help this time since him and that guy isn’t getting along. My other siblings won’t help and so my parents haven’t even bothered to call them.

My dad did call a guy he’s known for years and he came to the house on Thursday to figure out why we have no water. It is the box that was fixed the last time. There is something in it that’s bad and wasn’t fixed the last time. He was supposed to come on Friday to fix it for us, but he never showed up and never called. My dad tried to call him and he didn’t answer. My dad called again a bit later and it went right to his voice mail.

We don’t know if he is going to fix now. But I’m not getting my hopes up. Over this past year, we’ve had a few other people promise to help us, like with the our vehicle situation, and it never happens.

So, we’re without water, we still have no reliable vehicle and not very much money. There are different things we need, bills to be paid and there are things I need that I just can’t buy because I’m trying to help out as much as I possibly can. I need new shoes and I don’t know when I’ll be able to buy a new pair. My current shoes I’ve had for years and they’ve got holes in them now.

I feel very much in the depths of despair. At this moment I feel hopeless. I feel sad. Angry. Overwhelmed. Stressed. And I’m just upset with myself because I can’t do more. I want us out of this situation. Why can’t the things I do to make money work? Why does it seem that no matter what I do, something is always blocking me from being successful?

And over this past year I have really learned just how heartless people can be. I’m not talking about any of you. I know all of you care, but I am talking about family, people who were supposed to be friends of my parents, organizations that are supposed to help low-income people, and churches. You would not believe how many hours I have spent online trying to find places that will help us in any way. And all the places my mom has called for help. Even with the water situation and water being a necessity, there are no places that will pay for you to get your water fixed. No matter what it is, we haven’t been able to get help. We’ve been continuously refused, treated like we’re trash for even asking for help.

And I just can’t understand. I can’t understand treating people who live in poverty horribly. Poor people need compassion and understanding. I really wish things were different in this world. I wish people were more important than money. I wish no one had to struggle.

And I’m sorry that I’m not in the most positive mind-frame. Losing water again and not being able to do anything about it has me feeling overwhelmed and stressed. And with my family going through this bad financial situation still, I’m just feeling beaten down again. Hopefully I’ll feel more positive again soon.


7 responses to “As Anne Shirley Would Say: I’m In The Depths Of Despair

  1. You don’t need to apologize for how you feel. I don’t suppose to know or understand the situation you and your family currently face, but I do understand feeling overwhelming, stressed, and in the depths of despair. Even in the midst of your struggles, you still show concern for others. That matters! Take it moment by moment, day by day and find the positive in that which you can. If writing is your positive outlet, perhaps try writing to local organizations, agencies, or community members. Keep moving forward! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Kelly said some of the things I was thinking as I read your blog.
    I was planning to send you some money for your birthday…so maybe that will help a little. Wish I could do more.
    Please share your feelings…get them out…it is important. And then try to hang on. Life is very tough, but love is very beautiful…and you are loved.


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