The Queen of Rock & Roll Will Live On

Authors, singers, and actors are people we will most likely never personally know.

We know what they allow us to know. Some are private; some are open, and others lives might be thrust into the public eye without them having a say.

I feel like we’re lucky if some of these talented people let us get to know them in some way.

Tina Turner was one of those people. She had a hard life. She left an abusive relationship and had a successful music career.

I read an article last year that in an interview Tina Turner had said she wished the film about her life didn’t portray her as a victim. It was only in 2018 that she had watched the film and she only watched a little bit because she said that’s not how things happened.

Not everything in the film is factual, that is true. Hollywood likes to add things and make things more dramatic. It is true she was abused. It is true that she left Ike.

And while I know the film is not completely accurate, it is still a good and powerful movie.

It bothered me when I read she thought she was portrayed as a victim. I’ve watched What’s Love Got to Do with It? many times in my life and I never once saw her as a victim.

She was inspiring and brave.

Tina Turner was a badass.

And I’m devastated that she passed away today. I have been crying. She is one of the few celebrities who have passed and it has affected me.

She’s gone. We lost a talented and beautiful person.

Rest in peace, Anna Mae.

Replacing

When I moved to San Antonio in 2019 I mailed most of my belongings. I’ve still got a few boxes left at my mom’s house I need to get.

I mailed all my books here, but there was a box that never made it. The post office sent me the top of the box and it came with a letter instructing me to tell them what was in the box, so they could look for it.

I own over 400 books. I didn’t know which ones were in that box. So, I lost a box of my books.

Once I moved here and unpacked my boxes, I found out which books were missing.

I’ve finally begun the process of replacing my lost books. Skeleton Man and Skeleton Man Returns, by Josep Bruchac, were two I lost.

I found out both books were reprinted into a single collection. Usually, I bought used books since they are cheaper, but a new copy was only a few dollars more. I brought a brand new copy of two of my favorite books.

I also love the book. It’s so spooky.

When I can, I will replace my other books. Wild Robert, Deep Secret, and The Merlin Conspiracy, all by Diana Wynne Jones, need to be replaced. Also, Who Killed My Daughter? by Lois Duncan and Rethinking Columbus. There are a few others as well.

I’m also replacing my current laptop. Last week, some websites began to load at all. And the ones that work, load slowly. I’ve tried all I know to fix it. I’ve read articles and done what was suggested. Besides Chrome, I’ve tried Firefox and Edge. All three browsers have the same issues. I figure it has to be something wrong with my laptop.

I use my laptop for work, so I bought a new one. It will be here next week. I’m looking forward to getting it and having a browser that works correctly again.

I’ll post again soon with pictures of my new laptop.

Two Years And One Day

It’s been two years and one day since Victor’s mom moved in with us.

How can a nightmare last so long?

I have convinced Victor again to begin looking for somehow to get her into assisted living or somewhere else. He stopped for a long time because of continuously running into dead-ends.

On Sunday, his sister picked their mom up for church. When they left the church, his mom fell and broke her arm. And the thing with Victor’s mom is any even the tiniest bit of pain or the smallest inconvenience is the end of the world. You can only imagine how she is handling this and how much she expects of Victor.

He has called Area on Aging, the local ombudsman, and other places the ombudsman had call him. They all tell him the same thing, she needs Medicaid or someone to pay the rest for assisted living.

She is very low-income. Her social security is a little over $1,000 a month. She doesn’t qualify for Medicaid because in the last five years, she was given a house. Her parents passed and gave her the house. She signed the house over to her brother because he was threatening to sue.

Because of that, Medicaid sees it as gifting assets, and as a punishment, she won’t qualify for Medicaid until next year.

I can’t deal with another year of this. Neither can Victor. The care she expects is too much. Now she is falling and breaking bones.

But it seems it doesn’t matter if Victor tells these places he can no longer care for her because she requires too much, it is all about the money.

I don’t know what to do. Neither of us can find the help we need to get her out of here.

I’m still going to keep trying. I’m still going to keep contacting places. But I am discouraged. It’s like no one wants to help and no one cares.

I’m tired. And I hope for good news soon.

Nostalgia

I think we all have nostalgia hit us at times. Whether it’s triggered by a familiar scent, a song or movie we love, or something else. We all have moments where we revisit pleasant memories.

It is normal to revisit often?

I’ve read experiencing nostalgia often means you’re dissatisfied with the present.

And in many ways, I am dissatisfied with the present.

It’s been nearly two years of Victor’s mom living with us. She has shown no appreciation. She constantly tries to take over and even at times, acts strange with Victor. She sort of acts as if they are a couple. My grandmother, my dad’s mom, did this also when she lived with us when I was a kid. It’s disgusting, but it is done to try to oust the spouse.

It’s no wonder I’m nostalgic often. I only hope that soon I will have peace and new, happy memories so nostalgia doesn’t creep up so often.

Does anyone else experience nostalgia often? Or had a period of your life where you experienced often?

A Year, Eight Months, and Thirteen Days

Today mark’s a year, eight months, and thirteen days that Victor’s mom has been living with us.

A year, eight months, and thirteen days.

A year, eight months, and thirteen days of our life wasted for his mother who appreciates nothing.

It’s the second year in a row that I was not allowed to decorate my Christmas tree. I still have to fight to keep things in their place because she will not leave her hands off things. We still have to hide our food so she won’t eat it despite having her own food that Victor buys for her.

I will never be able to understand moving in with someone expecting to take control while also expecting to be taken care of.

I just need this to end.

Calcifer Playing

This was a few weeks after I brought Calcifer home. I had given him a toy to play with.

He was so tiny! He’s grown quite a bit since then.

Movie Buddy

Probably since the beginning of August, I’ve been watching one horror movie a day.

Yesterday I watched Amityville: The Awakening. I decided to give it a watch after a horror page I follow recommended it. They said it is one of the better Amityville movies that have been made. Apparently, there are over 30 Amityville movies.

In the morning, I make breakfast for myself, and once I finish eating, I get Calcifer out.

Yesterday morning, I had a movie buddy as Calcifer decided to watch the movie too. It was cute 🙂

I Need Permission?

I had sent a friend request to someone on Facebook. They are in a local band I’ve seen play more than once.

He messaged me and said, “Aren’t you Victor’s girl?”

I said yes.

He said, “I respect Victor so I don’t know if this is okay.”

I told Victor about it because I didn’t know if the guy would contact him and try to say I did something I didn’t. All I did was send a friend request. Nothing else.

Victor messaged him and told him it was okay.

I understand wanting to be respectful. To me being respectful doesn’t mean you don’t interact with a person’s spouse. Just be nice, don’t hit on them or act creepy.

And if it made him uncomfortable because he was worried it would be disrespectful, he could have just deleted the request. He didn’t have to message me.

But somehow, something as harmless as sending a friend request made this guy think it warranted needing the permission of my man. I’ve never needed Victor’s permission for anything, nor has he insinuated to others that I need his permission.

I’m just stunned.

I’ve been made to feel a lot of different ways in my life because I am a woman. This, however, is the first time I’ve felt like property.

And it makes me wonder, am I only seen as Victor’s girl? Am I not my own person?

I’ve never felt like this before. It is a horrible feeling.

Gone

My sister Laurie just posted my brother David passed away.

He ended up in the hospital because he had a massive heart attack while driving. He was in an induced coma and placed on life support.

I believe that was about a week ago.

Laurie just posted David passed away from a massive brain bleed.

I feel sad. Maybe a little hurt. We were close only when I was very, very young. I can remember him sitting and watching TV with me.

He moved out of the house when I was around 5.

And the last time I saw him was in 2017 though we didn’t have much of a conversation.

No one has contacted me so I haven’t tried to reach out to anyone. I truly believe my remaining siblings, and other members of that side of the family, would not be happy with me contacting anyone.

I’ve never been accepted by my dad’s kids from his first marriage. I’ve always been on the outside looking in.

David and I weren’t close. We had no relationship. Like with my father and my brother Ricky, I will mourn the closeness that I longed for, and now, will never have.

Sleepy Boy

This morning, Calcifer was on the bed with me. He was running around and playing. Victor bought him a small fleece blanket to tunnel through and play in.

I was petting him and gave him some cheerios. After being active for a while, he went into the box I gave him. Rats love boxes.

Apparently, all the running and playing tired him out so he decided to take a nap.

I love having a pet again. With all that I’m dealing with, Calcifer does make things a little better.