For Jem

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Jem was my second oldest hamster. She passed away last week.

She had gotten wet tail and I had her on medicine, but she didn’t get better.

It was very sudden. She had come out of her house and looked over at me. She had actually looked like she was getting better. Then I looked over again only a minute later and she was laying on the bottom of her cage dying.

I miss her….I wish I could have done more.

I just hope she knows that I love her and is okay where she is now.

Another Long Silence

I really don’t mean to go so long in between blogs. I do want to blog more, but I’ve had a lot going on. And when I’m not working online, I’m talking to Victor.

Marc didn’t take the break-up well. It was hard on him. And it was hard on me too. Even though I haven’t been happy for a long time, I was with Marc for 10 years and it wasn’t an easy decision to make. But I knew I had to do it. I had to do what was best for me. The relationship wasn’t going anywhere and there was a lot of other stuff too, things I just don’t want to get into.

It was hard. I definitely had a few rough days. I cried a lot.

But I am very happy. I am going to move forward with my life. I have someone who I am very in love with and he feels the same about me. And I can’t wait to start my life with him.

The plan is to visit Victor near the end of October. That’s when his birthday is and I want to spend it with him. I’ve already got $161 for my ticket. I was originally going to go by train, but now I am seriously considering taking a plane.

My mom knows about Victor. She’s known for a while now, also knows his age. And she’s been talking to him some on the phone, getting to know him. And even Marc knows that I’m with Victor.

Everyone seems to have accepted it. The only annoying thing is that it seems whenever I am trying to talk to Victor on the phone, everyone is trying to get my attention. They are all pulling at me for attention and it’s starting to get to me a bit. I can’t see Victor right now and so I want to talk to him a lot. There really is no privacy in this house.

Victor and I went public with our relationship on Facebook yesterday. Although we’ve been together for a bit now, he said it might be best to wait to give Marc some time. I agreed. We were just telling some close friends and family before, but it’s totally out there. We’re together. And that makes me happy.

Things have been good. I am very happy. In the past few months, I’ve changed a lot, good changes. And I’m ready to start living life. My plan is next year to move to Texas to be with Victor. I’m ready to start my life with him. I am really excited about it.

My family is still struggling, but I’m just being positive. Things can’t be this way forever. They will get better.

The concert that I wanted to go to is today. I’m not going because I wasn’t able to find anyone willing to go with me. I was a bit disappointed, but it’s okay. I just hope that One Ok Rock will tour in America again.

And anyone who is on facebook that hasn’t friended me yet, feel free to do so. My name is Eden Silverfox on there.

I hope you all are doing well and I really will try to post more.

Oh, and for those of you wondering what Victor looks like, this is him:

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Changes

Edit: Made this public for now so everyone can see it and then eventually I’ll password protect it again.

 

I decided not to make this post public, but instead, password protect it so only my friends on here could view it.

I’ve already told a few people, one of them being Carolyn, but I wanted to share with the rest of you.

I’ve been with Marc for 10 years now and I can’t say we’ve had a bad relationship. I just haven’t been happy for a long time. Most nights we go without talking. He’s playing video games and I’m doing my own thing. I didn’t want this way and I’ve tried to talk to him about it, but he doesn’t think there is anything wrong. He doesn’t give me much attention and he pushes me away a lot. And there’s been some other stuff, but I’m not going to go into details about that.I haven’t been happy.

I haven’t been happy. Honestly, I’ve been very lonely. I’ve been depressed. And I know I mentioned a while back that I have panic attacks and anxiety, which I don’t like talking about. And also, in my post from more than a week ago, I mentioned I got back in contact with an old friend. I’ll start there.

My brother and his girlfriend took my mom and me out to dinner the one night. I didn’t have a problem going out and I was fine when we left. When we got to the restaurant and got seated, I started having panic. I don’t know why. I don’t know what caused, but it just continued to get worse. And I had my cell phone with me and I thought if I started texting someone, maybe that would help me get through it.

The person that pop into my head to text was Victor because I knew he’d text me back immediately and he did. I told him what was going on and he kept texting me, trying to help me get through the panic. And he ended up calling me when I came home later.

I’ve known Victor since I was 14 years old. We talked every day. We were close. He was my best friend. I told him everything and he was always there for me. He always listened and never judged. At some point we lost contact I guess because life got in the way.

I never forgot about him and always wondered how he was doing. I missed him. He was the one person I could tell anything and everything to.

And I wanted to get back in contact with him before, but with all the stuff that’s been going on with my family and the fact I’m stuck at home has prevented me from doing so. I had his cell phone number, but the cell phone signal is so bad at my house that it’s hard to even send out texts. And at home is usually where I’m stuck because we don’t go out much.

So, that night Victor and I got back in contact. He added me on Facebook and we started talking to each other as much as we could. We both really missed each other. Like I said, we were really close. He knows stuff about me that no one else does. It was really nice to have him back in my life and it was almost like we never stopped talking.

We told each other about what has been going on in our lives and eventually I told him what has been going on in my relationship, which I’ve just kept to myself all this time.

And ever since we started talking again that night, Victor has made time for me. Every single day. He has been there for me. He talks me through panic attacks.

My feelings for him started to change. I have always loved Victor but as a friend. And that love I have for him as a friend started to become something more. And even though we’ve always had a connection, I never expected. It’s just ever since we began talking again, something really clicked between us.

I’m deeply in love with Victor and I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy before.

And of course, my being with him is a big decision. There will be changes in my life. He lives in Texas and I do eventually plan on moving there to be with him. For now, I’m just saving money so I can take the train to see him. It’s not going to happen right away, but I am saving money. He’s patient and so am I. And I know in my heart this is what I truly want. I want to be with him. I want to have a life with him.

And he is an amazing guy. He’s one of a kind.

He cares about me. He loves me. He makes time for me. And he messages me whenever he can. As I am typing this, he’s messaging me on Facebook. He’s in a band and doing a show today. He sent me a message to say he misses me.

We have a strong connection. He gets me. He understands me like no one else does. He never judges me.

He tells me every single day that I am beautiful.

And hearing him tell me that he loves me is beyond amazing because it’s not only words, but I can feel it.

I love Victor and I wanted to share that with all of you.

I haven’t told my mom yet and I’m not sure how she’ll react. I don’t think she’ll be happy with how far away he is, but I think the bigger issue will be that he’s older than me. And that’s because of her own experiences. My dad is quite a bit older than her and their relationship has not been a good one.

But I wanted to share with all of you. I know eventually there will be some big changes in my life, but I am very happy. And I am very sure of what I want. I really love Victor and he loves me. And I just wanted you all to know about this amazing man.

I never expected to fall in love with, but I did. And I am so much happier than I have. I’ve even been listening to music again, which I had stopped doing for a long time. It’s kind of like pieces of me that I’ve lost are starting to return.

Victor is part of my life now and eventually I’ll be going to see him. And I have to say I’m excited. I’m excited about the changes and I’ll share everything with all of you as it happens.

Saint Kateri Tekakwitha Lapis Lazuli Bracelet

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My newest item listed on Webstore. It is a stretch bracelet. The beads are regular Lapis and Phoenix Lapis along with silver metal bead spacers. And a Saint Kateri Tekakwitha medal in the center.

Find this item and many more at: Tsalagi Dreams on Webstore

Tsalagi Dreams on Facebook

Some Bad News

I’ve been a bad blogger, I know. I haven’t been blogging regularly like I have wanted, but I’ve been distracted.

Let me tell you all what’s been going on. We had lost our water again. For the third time, in less than a year. My mom had someone come out and check it. The guy messed with some wires and it started working again, but at some point, he said it might go out again. He thinks it might be something with the wiring down in the water pump and even that is expensive to fix. We’re just hoping it was something wrong with the wires he messed with and it stays working. So, we do have running water again.

And now once again we are without a working vehicle. The one night I went out with my mom, we came home and pulled in the driveway and the Blazer wouldn’t back up. The transmission went in it. Just like with our Explorer, but we have always had problems with the Blazer. It has been a constant thing. So, we are pretty much just stuck at the house.

And we don’t know what we’re going to do because we don’t have the money to get a new vehicle. Calling churches and asking for help doesn’t work because they always say they can’t help. My dad’s kids won’t help. Don’t know what we’re going to do, but somehow, we’ll make it through.

Just please keep us in your prayers.

And my previous post is password protected. I would like for all of my friends on here to read it, but you’ll need to get in contact with me to get the password. I know some of you follow me on Twitter so you can message me on there for it, or if you’re my friend on Facebook, send me a message on there and I’ll give you the password. If you don’t have either of those, just send me an e-mail. Make sure to let me know who you are and I’ll give you the password. Just send it to TsalagiDreams@live.com and I’ll reply with the password. Would like you all to read the post.

Hope you all have been well.

Been A While

My last post was on April 29th. Sorry it has been a while since I last posted. Didn’t plan it that way, but I’m sure many of you are wondering if I am okay. And if I worried any of you, I didn’t mean to.

Things are still rough for my family, but we’re okay. Still surviving.

I have been going through rough patches of my own emotionally, but I am doing much better. I have been very happy lately. I got in contact with an old friend. I’ve known him since I was 14 and he has been helping me.

I have still been writing. I wrote a new poem only a few hours ago. Haven’t submitted to any places recently, though. I need to find some to submit to.

I bought some more craft supplies from eBay. I bought some crystal beads that I will be using to make a bracelet and I am going to make another pair of feather ear wraps for myself.

Still reading. I am on the last volume of A Devil and Her Love Song.

I hope you all have been well and I will try to update again soon.

Some Thoughts On Chyna, Writing, And Other Stuff

My dad is home from the hospital. Please continue to pray for him.

The other day I got an email from the place where I submitted my poetry. It was a rejection. Now, I’m looking for the next place to submit writing.

I wrote a few poems last night. I haven’t been writing as much as I once was. I don’t know if it is the stress from what’s going on or what, but I’m sure it’s temporary. And it felt good to write a few poems. I always feel good after writing. I just want to be able to have time to write on my laptop. I hope to get back to writing on my laptop for at least a little bit every day. And I’m sure I will.

I finished Octodad: Dadliest Catch about a week ago. I’m still thinking about it. It is such a fun and original game. I plan on writing a post about it once I get the chance.

It still makes me sad to think Chyna is gone. I’ve read lots of tributes, lots of articles and some have even defended the way WWE has treated her, the way they’ve snubbed her over the years.

And I know Chyna had problems. I know she was addicted to drugs and alcohol. I’ve read her book so I know about her childhood and her relationship with her family. I also know what went on with the WWE, Triple H and Stephanie McMahon. I’ve been into wrestling for years. I know the stuff that goes on behind the scenes. Wrestlers aren’t always treated well. Some rivalries are actually real. And some are pushed out for whatever reason. Not because they actually did anything, but because someone higher up wanted them out.

Chyna had her problems. She said things she shouldn’t have. But WWE is not some innocent victim. And I can’t understand anyone defending them for their treatment of Chyna and not putting her into the Hall of Fame. Some think it is because she has done pornography. I think that it could be a factor, but it would also be highly hypocritical of WWE if it is actually a factor in why they’ve snubbed her. A number of female wrestlers posed for Playboy while working for the WWE. And it was always highly celebrated by the WWE when one of their female wrestlers have posed for Playboy.

WWE may actually put Chyna into the Hall of Fame now, but I feel it’s too late. All she wanted was to be recognized for all she achieved. She really wanted that. And she wanted to patch things up with the WWE. Now that she has passed is when they want to recognize her and give her credit for all that she has done. I just don’t think it’s right. It makes me sad that they wouldn’t give that to her while she was alive.

I’m still waiting for some craft supplies to come in the mail. Once they do, I’m going to make a new bracelet to sell.

While I am typing this entry, I am listening to the Horror Show with Brian Keene. It is a free podcast and there is a new episode every week. I listened for the first time last week. I couldn’t listen before because my old laptop would have overheated. Really happy that I can listen now.

Besides all of that, I have just been working online. And searching for more ways to make money.

I admit to feeling some stress, but it hasn’t been that bad lately. I have actually been feeling pretty good and positive.

I think I’ll stop this post here and I will try to post again soon. I want to post about Octodad and some other stuff so I will try to soon.